Winston Churchill gave his phrase ‘the darkest hour’ in 1940* when the British Empire stood alone against Nazi Germany, Italy, and Japan. He made this statement during the constant bombing of London by the Luftwaffe when over 1,500 men and women died. The many years of my life, my darkest hour, came with being born with depression. Every morning from when I was five years old until my present age.

I would wake up to what I called ‘the storm,’ a sea of pain and deep hurt inside me. At first, I never knew where these feelings came from, but I would feel this every morning. Daily, I would cry to God to take this hopelessness away, and sometimes the feelings of depression would get better. Reading my Bible, especially the Psalms, would give me peace and serenity.

When I was seven years old, I was hurt even more by a boy in our neighborhood. And he would torment me daily, which brought me more pain. These feelings opened doors that brought the darkness of Satan’s evil and the love of the world. When I was twelve, I gave my heart to Jesus Christ, but he never put on me more than I could bare on my soul. Love would keep my head above the waters of the world. And even though life came crashing all around me, God would keep me above my troubles.

I began to hear voices and see shadows of the night all around me. I lived this even when I was in the military for the next seven years I was in the Marine Corps. I got out and gave my heart back to the Lord Jesus. Starting with several years of being homeless and because of my condition.

I would drift from one job to the next and from one relationship to the next with four marriages. One day, while being at a church, I was told by my pastor to get help from the VA hospital here in Reno, Nevada. I previously talked with several doctors at the other VA clinics, but because I had combat trauma, they would always say it was PTSD. I would walk out angry, hopeless, and want to end my life. Plus, I had a drinking problem for thirty-five years. I have been sober for some eleven years, and life is brighter.

Finally, thinking that I would never receive any help. I went to the VA hospital here in Reno. I met a woman named Patrica, who told me I had a unique problem. In addition, she told me I needed to take a survey, which this survey would say to her what I was having trouble with. I took the survey, and then we talked again.

She told me that I had clinical depression and I needed to see a psychiatrist to get the medication I needed. Finally, the world was different. I had not a demon, nor was I crazy. I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. This was simply why I had a storm in my mind. 

My soul was sick like many famous people, King David of Israel, President Abraham Lincoln, Edgar Allen Poe, Sir Winston Churchill, Ernest Hemingway, Robin Williams, and many others, live in depression. Over 16.1 million people have some form of depression. But what was my saving grace? That light at the end of the tunnel was when I started writing things down in journals.

Then I would write short stories and some poetry, and now three books have been published. I take Biblical Hebrew languages, and I found the love of my life. I have never been better; the storm still comes every morning.

Yet, it is met with tools of recovery I didn’t have before. God has blessed my soul; as David said: 

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me? I hope thou in God, for I shall praise him for the help of his countenance.”

Psalms 42:5 NKJV

So, this is my darkest hour, but as long as I can write. Whether anyone likes my work or I become a best seller. It doesn’t matter! I write in the light of his truth.

The End
ﬣַסוּף

*(Research from Wikiquote: Winston Churchill June 16, 2016,© https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Darkest_Hour)